2012 Holiday Planner

01 December 2012

Christmas Countdown and Beyond

What's on our list of things to do this December? 

  1. Decorate your home in all things festive. (Saturday)
  2. Attend 1st Sunday of Advent at Church. (Sunday) 
  3. Buy a new Christmas album and have it playing in the background. (Monday) 
  4. (Tuesday)
  5. (Wednesday)
  6. (Thursday)
  7. (Friday)
  8. Make Christmas cards to send to family and friends. (Saturday)
  9. Attend 2nd Sunday of Advent at Church. (Sunday)
  10. (Monday)
  11. (Tuesday)
  12. (Wednesday)
  13. (Thursday)
  14. (Friday)
  15. (Saturday)
  16. Attend 3rd Sunday of Advent at Church. (Sunday)
  17. Make a traditional Christmas cake. (Monday)
  18. (Tuesday)
  19. (Wednesday)
  20. (Thursday)
  21. (Friday)
  22. Wrap Christmas present.(Saturday)
  23. Attend 4th Sunday of Advent at Church. (Sunday) 
  24. Read "The Night Before Christmas". (Monday)
  25. Have a wonderful Christmas Day. (Tuesday)
Advent

29 June 2012

T.G.I.F

So it's Friday YIPPEE...
and school holidays are here *smile* and who would have thought it's peeing with rain!
Yes, yes go figures!
Anyways... THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!



27 June 2012

Feelings

I'm feeling like shit emotionally and mentally at the moment and it feels like to one person I love with all my heart doesn't seem to care. Keep in mind that the word I've used is "I'm feeling" and "it feels" so this post is based on my feelings so if who ever reads this wants to judge me on my feelings then please go and get fucked because we all feel different things and my feelings are no different to anyone else's and can get hurt just as easily.

Anyway I sometimes wonder what ever happened to the loving and thoughtful relationship my husband and I had in the beginning. It seems so long ago that the man I fell in love with was thoughtful to my feelings and didn't try to go out of his way to say or do hurtful things to upset me. Yes I know I can be hard to get along with but I'm pretty sure I made a point of letting him know just what he was getting into to if he moved to Tassie to be with me and I thought he had accepted me for being me but it seems these days no matter what I say or do all I seem to be doing is trying to cause an argument. 

I talk to loud.. therefore I'm arguing.
I disagree with him.. therefore I'm trying to start a fight.
I have my own opinion.. therefore I'm being difficult to annoy him.
I'm upset and crying.. therefore I'm trying to make him feel guilty.
I question his actions.. Once again I'm trying to cause an argument.
I don't want to do something.. therefore I'm being a bitch.

There used to be a time when we could sit down and talk to one another, you know chat about anything be it our feelings or just plain dribble but it seems we don't communicate very well any more. It seems like every time we do try and communicate we end up having a spat.

The thing is I know we used to have a really good relationship but I have no idea what changed. I sometimes wished we had of stayed in Tasmania because we were so much happier there and it seems the moment we moved back to the mainland his whole demeanour had changed towards me. I wish he would just be like he used to be... less aggressive.

16 June 2012

Tired

Tired

"Wake up", he said "you sleepy head,
"get out, get out of bed"

"Go away, go away and let me be,
I'm tired", I reply "you see"

"The sun is shinning with rays of light,
it's nice", he said which made him right.

"Go away go away I'm your wife,
I'm tired so tired of life...


Passive Aggressive Behaviour

Passive Aggressive Behaviour Defined:

Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse. When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you've been abused. It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal, at times loving and caring. The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse.

Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person's feelings may be so repressed that they don't even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior.

Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

  • Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words" when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating.
  • Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting." How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.
  • Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions. If you aren't to blame then it is something that happened at work, the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store. The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has faults and they must be punished for those faults.
  • Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable. Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.
  • Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. "Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn't depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support."
  • Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can't trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you bywithholding sex.
  • Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse? If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it. It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way. He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but, rarely will he/she follow through with giving it. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.
  • Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly. If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because; in their mind, it was someone else's fault that they were late. He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations, an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store.
  • Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned anyone who expects differently from them.

The Passive Aggressive and You:

The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and demands he/she can resist. A passive aggressive is usually attracted to co-dependents, people with low self-esteem and those who find it easy to make excuses for other's bad behaviors.

The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner. The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real seems more logical.

The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. They don't communicate their needs and wishes in a clear manner, expecting their spouse to read their mind and meet their needs. After all, if their spouse truly loved them he/she would just naturally know what they needed or wanted. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can't take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them.

Confronting the Passive Aggressive:

Beware, if you confront the passive aggressive he/she will most likely sulk, give you the silent treatment or completely walk away leaving you standing there to deal with the problem alone. There are two reasons for confronting the passive aggressive. One, if done correctly you may be able to help him/her gain insight into the negative consequences of their behaviors. Two, even if that doesn't happen, it will at least give you the opportunity to talk to him/her in a frank way about how his/her behavior affects you. If nothing else you can get a few things "off your chest." Below are some ways you might approach your passive aggressive:

  • Make your feelings the subject of the conversation and not his/her bad behaviors.
  • Don't attack his/her character.
  • Make sure you have privacy.
  • Confront him/her about one behavior at a time, don't bring up everything at once.
  • If he/she needs to retreat from the conversation allow them to do it with dignity.
  • Have a time limit, confrontation should not stretch on indefinitely.
  • If he/she tries to turn the table on you, do not defend your need to have an adult conversation about your feelings.
  • Be sure he/she understands that you care about what happens to them, that you love them and that you are not trying to control them. You are only trying to get to the bottom of your disagreements and make the relationship better.

Inside the Passive Aggressive:

The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect with you emotionally but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and engage in self-destructive habits. He/she will be covert in their actions and it will only move him/her further from his/her desired relationship with you.

The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a relationship problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for having shortcomings. To accept that he/she has flaws would be tantamount to emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make that cause others so much pain.

The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his/her own emotional needs. You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of him/her. They care for you the way they care for a favorite chair. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs.

The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes with loving someone but fears losing his/her independence and sense of self to his/her spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best.

The only hope for change in the way they deal with relationship issues is if they are able to acknowledge their shortcomings and contributions to the marital problems. Facing childhood wounds, looking internally instead of externally to find the cause of problems in their life will help them form deeper emotional attachments with a higher sense of emotional safety.

(source: http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/Pass_Agg.htm

15 June 2012

Itchin'

When does it become acceptable for a husband to speak dirty to another woman? Or to gang up with another guy and talk dirty to her to get her all worked up to the point she has to sign off and go for a cold shower. And you know what the worse thing is, being made out like I've got the problem. The excuses I have heard from him when he told me, "oh we were just mucking around and teasing her".

I deleted a previous post because I honestly thought my husband had realised his action hurt me but he just keeps doing it. Does he not get it that it hurts when I find out he's received pics or spoken dirty to some other chick. I'm tired of it and at my wits end trying to get him to understand and when I do try my feelings just seem to cause trouble.

04 June 2012

Not much..

I know I'm not much to look at but this is me.. I think I'm to old to be worried about what people think of me and if they can't or won't be accepting of who I am, as I am then they can just go and get bent!





03 June 2012

Trust


My husband really disappointed to me tonight. I am trying not to cry about it but how does one go about trusting a person when that trust has been broken by them and I don't mean in a fob the incident off way, I mean in a huge punch in the chest way.

A little background story I guess.. we belong to this adult swingers website. Our account is joint, you know a couples account and well over the pass few months he's done things and said thing that have upset me but I have always gotten over it eventually but tonight and after a big discussion that had followed a huge argument we had about a week ago, we agreed and I mean "we" agreed that neither of us would go on cam unless we go on together as a couple or if we go on singly then both cams would go on or if other other person said go ahead it's okay but in the latter instance the other person had to ask if it was okay and not just assume.

Anyway tonight my husband did just that, the latter. I caught my husband camming his nut-sack around a beer bottle, which if he had of ask if I minded then more than likely I would have said "knock yourself out" but he took it upon himself as always to act before thinking. 

Now forgive me if I'm wrong but if the other partner is unaware that their partner is showing more than just their face on webcam that constitutes as cheating. 

I guess it's like this, my husband who I love with all my heart has just fucking cheated on me by showing his fucking genitals on cam behind my back since I had no knowledge he was going to do it! 

And since my husband and I have already discussed what would constitute cheating when it comes to "the website" then his act is classed as cheating.

How can I trust him again? 

29 May 2012

I Was Bored!

So I was bored and decided to take some snaps.. I really take an aweful photograph but anyways..







27 May 2012

In Loving Memory

Photobucket

In Loving Memory

Margaret Kathleen Rohde
(28.12.1932 - 27.05.2000)

never forgotten and always loved
xxxx

13 May 2012

Happy Mother's Day

So I'm having a wonderful sleep in on Mother's Day only to be woken up by Miss M bearing a gift! Guess a sleep in until 9am is a good enough sleep in than any LOL!!


28 April 2012

A Day Out

So Butternutt and I, and of course Miss M went for a lovely drive up around the mountains. We first stopped off at Beechworth for lunch and then went for a drive. See pictures below!


View of Kiewa Valley from Tawonga Gap


Miss M


Butternutt, Squirrell and Miss M

20 April 2012

Kids

So I find out today that my wonderful daughter Miss M has been 'YouTubing" it on her mobile. Just FYI, she was banned from the Internet and her mobile for a month 2 weeks ago because she went feral on Butternutt who was doing nothing wrong except for having a joke with her at dinner time and she cracked it and slapped his iPhone from his hand. It was just lucky that he caught his phone or otherwise it would more than likely have gotten broken if it had of hit the floor also my daughter was previously banned from watching YouTube videos on her mobile since she doesn't pay for it.

Anyway, me being the nice mother I am decided I would let Miss M have her phone back so she could call her dad or Facebook it and message her friends but was made out for a fool when I went and checked up on her usage and found she had spent just under half the monthly data allowance in 2 days, we still have a week left so I could only imagine what the actual cost would have been if left unchecked. So I called her out from her room and question it and she basically decided she didn't want to answer me and kept her mouth shut. Of course I became angry and instead of carrying on like I usually would I sent her to her room.

Dare say she's now lost the phone for good and when the next billing cycle hits I'll be able to put the phone on a cheaper plan till the contract expires which is in June this year. I don't think I can express just how much I'm disappointed in my daughter to her as she just doesn't seem to care. I'm hoping that maybe one day something will click with her and she will finally wise up to life and realise that when she turns 18 this year she's responsible for her own life regardless if she lives at home she's have to contribute more to the family.

23 March 2012

In Loving Memory

Photobucket

In Loving Memory

Gustav Heinrich Rohde
(31.12.1929 - 23.03.1999)

never forgotten and always loved
xxxx

01 March 2012

Carrot, Egg or Coffee .. You Decide

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see.""Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?

"Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

It's easier to build a child than repair an adult. This is so true.May we all be COFFEE.

WTF

Okay so yesterday I find out Miss M's father is planning on getting married. While it's kudos to him and his soon to be wife I get told by his missus that they are paying off the celebrant because s/he is SO expensive!

Like hello! Did a coconut fall on your head or something? But anyway that's beside the point. I'm pissed and not at them getting married, but the fact if they can save for a wedding why the *BLEEP* can't they put money aside for his daughter, Miss M to go up for a visit instead of assuming we'll pay for her to go visit.

Honestly, come on people... I would have thought HE would have put HIS daughter before anything else. But I guess I was wrong. 

Good thing to come out of this... I won't be spending any more money so he can see his daughter and I know some people might think that's not right but FFS, don't judge if you don't know all the facts! 

19 February 2012

New Years Resolution 1, 2 & 3

Okay so I have finally made a firm decision on starting to check off my NY Resolutions check list. I've decided to start with the first 3.

  1. Lose weight
  2. eat healthier 
  3. exercise more
First resolution was taken care of by signing up to The Biggest Loser Club. I'm going to begin this coming Monday though, that way I can organise myself a little better.

Which brings me to resolution number 2, eating healthier. Since I'm starting the BLC on Monday, I can spend the Saturday working out what types of food I would like to eat. I know the site has menu plans I can follow but to be honest I just don't have a whole lot of cash so my menus need to be simple, easy to prepare and fall within my budget.

Lastly, resolution 3 is to try and get up around 6am and go for a walk and then again after dinner that night. I'm going to start of slow to begin with, a block or 2 will do. My goal is to be able to walk from where I live in North Albury to Dean St, Albury. 

13 February 2012

Bella.. She thinks she's peoples!

Today my cat was hit by a car and killed.

I was not here when it happened, and we didn't find Bella until around 9.30pm at night.

She was laying across the road in the long grass, she was only meters away.

It was only for the flicker of heaven knows what that caught my eye otherwise Bella would probably still be laying there right now.

We have decided to get Bella cremated privately so we can get the ashes and keep our Bells with us forever. I'm going to get a nice urn for her ashes and I've sent off to get a few pictures printed so I can make up a nice picture frame to sit beside the urn.

I miss Bella so much already.

01 February 2012

Day Surgery Update

So after much wait this morning at the hospital I finally was taken into surgery around 11am. Dr Simon Craig came in around noon and did a wonderful job inserting the needle for the drip to go into. It only took 2 goes at finding a vein with minimal discomfort so I am impressed. He has very soft hands which made it better, don't ask me how it just did... OKAY!
Photobucket
I was in surgery for about an hour, woke up in recovery about 1pm. My tummy hurt a bit, matter fact it was kinda burning inside. I had a D&C, hysteroscopy (I think that's right) and a mirena coil inserted. Like I said in my earlier post, the mirena coil was put in not for contraception but to stop the excessive bleeding I have been suffering from for ears. Anyway, I was given something for the pain and glad to say it took about 20mins to take effect. After about an hour in observation they took me to the a waiting room where I was left to rest for a while. The wonderful nurses bought me a cuppa and some sandwiches and about 30mins after that I was able to get up, have a wash, dress and leave.

I am glad to be home.

PS: anyone looking for a wonderful Gynaecologists, Dr Simon Craig is fantastic. I only have high praises for him as a doctor and surgeon. One my experience with him I would definitely recommend him to anyone who is looking for a specialist in the Albury/Wodonga area.

Day Surgery

Today I head into hospital for my surgery. I woke up at 6am when the alarm went off, headed in for a shower, came back to the bedroom to get dressed and told my husband it was time to get up out of bed (just because you sleep in and miss a ride isn't my problem) and what does he go and do? Be an arse and upsets me!

I know I've been and had surgery many times before but this time it's a little different not that he would understand. I know having the coil put in is to help with the heavy bleeding so I can go out and exercise to loose weight but it also mean that it will be at least a year before I go back to the specialist and hopefully after loosing enough weight see if he'll help with fertility treatment. That would make me 41. 

So I guess my husband doesn't either doesn't understand or doesn't care since he had a go and upset me this morning just because I'm a little ansie-pansie this morning!

30 January 2012

Back 2 School for Miss M.

It's the first day back to school for Miss M. She was extremely reluctant to get out of bed this morning although that might have something to do with the fact I woke her up around 6.30am. *smile* Anyway she's all dress up in her new uniform. The school had changed the polo shirts to something different, must say they look so much better than the tacky old ones!

Photobucket
So What's on the agenda for me then... guess I will just potter around. Do some washing, clean the kitchen, vacuum, fold some clothes, you know all the fun houseworkie stuff. I have to get enough done in the next couple of days as I'm heading into hospital this Wednesday for day surgery and I know I won't get any help willingly from either my husband or daughter. Such is life I guess.

12 January 2012

A Perfect Heart

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared, how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought?

The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears." "Yes," said the old man, "yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.

Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges, giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

02 January 2012

Ouch!

Woke up this morning around 11ish and thought I'd take a dip in our new pool. It's just one of those blow up the top ring and fill with water pool. So anyway I was relaxing with Butternutt in the pool and ended up getting sun burnt on my legs. Ouchies it hurts! *sad face*

01 January 2012

So Much for Change

I guess I was expecting to much to believe the beginning of this year would be any different to last. It seems as though it doesn't matter what I do my husband always thinks it's quiet okay to go off at me, even if I haven't done anything. Apparently this time it was because I gave a look so he decided he should get in first before I said something. Mind you I wasn't going to say anything, all I did was go and check out how he was doing with the spare room but because I looked at the bookcases funny (IDK) he assumed I was going to say something about it. I mean honestly, I knew he was moving the room around and quiet frankly I couldn't care less but he felt the need to be the arse he always proves to be and go off at me.

It is getting tiresome having to put up with behaviour like this from him. I know I deserve to be treated better by someone who says they love me. Funny think is I feel like a battered housewife! ARGH!! Always having to be careful how I speak, or look for fear of my husband going off. Even having to watch what I say just in case he doesn't agree and then goes off. 

I'm 40 and this is crap beyond belief.