T.G.I.F

So it's Friday YIPPEE...

and school holidays are here *smile* and who would have thought it's peeing with rain!

Yes, yes go figures!

Anyways... THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!

Feelings

I'm feeling like shit emotionally and mentally at the moment and it feels like to one person I love with all my heart doesn't seem to care. Keep in mind that the word I've used is "I'm feeling" and "it feels" so this post is based on my feelings so if who ever reads this wants to judge me on my feelings then please go and get fucked because we all feel different things and my feelings are no different to anyone else's and can get hurt just as easily.

Anyway I sometimes wonder what ever happened to the loving and thoughtful relationship my husband and I had in the beginning. It seems so long ago that the man I fell in love with was thoughtful to my feelings and didn't try to go out of his way to say or do hurtful things to upset me. Yes I know I can be hard to get along with but I'm pretty sure I made a point of letting him know just what he was getting into to if he moved to Tassie to be with me and I thought he had accepted me for being me but it seems these days no matter what I say or do all I seem to be doing is trying to cause an argument. 

I talk to loud.. therefore I'm arguing.

I disagree with him.. therefore I'm trying to start a fight.

I have my own opinion.. therefore I'm being difficult to annoy him.

I'm upset and crying.. therefore I'm trying to make him feel guilty.

I question his actions.. Once again I'm trying to cause an argument.

I don't want to do something.. therefore I'm being a bitch.

There used to be a time when we could sit down and talk to one another, you know chat about anything be it our feelings or just plain dribble but it seems we don't communicate very well any more. It seems like every time we do try and communicate we end up having a spat.

The thing is I know we used to have a really good relationship but I have no idea what changed. I sometimes wished we had of stayed in Tasmania because we were so much happier there and it seems the moment we moved back to the mainland his whole demeanour had changed towards me. I wish he would just be like he used to be... less aggressive.

Tired

Tired

"Wake up", he said "you sleepy head,

"get out, get out of bed"

"Go away, go away and let me be,

I'm tired", I reply "you see"

"The sun is shinning with rays of light,

it's nice", he said which made him right.

"Go away go away I'm your wife,

I'm tired so tired of life...

Passive Aggressive Behaviour

Passive Aggressive Behaviour Defined:

Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse. When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you've been abused. It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal, at times loving and caring. The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse.

Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person's feelings may be so repressed that they don't even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior.

Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

• Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words" when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating.
• Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting." How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.
• Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions. If you aren't to blame then it is something that happened at work, the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store. The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has faults and they must be punished for those faults.
• Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable. Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.
• Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. "Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn't depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support."
• Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can't trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you bywithholding sex.
• Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse? If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it. It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way. He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but, rarely will he/she follow through with giving it. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.
• Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly. If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because; in their mind, it was someone else's fault that they were late. He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations, an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store.
• Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned anyone who expects differently from them.

The Passive Aggressive and You:

The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and demands he/she can resist. A passive aggressive is usually attracted to co-dependents, people with low self-esteem and those who find it easy to make excuses for other's bad behaviors.

The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner. The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real seems more logical.

The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. They don't communicate their needs and wishes in a clear manner, expecting their spouse to read their mind and meet their needs. After all, if their spouse truly loved them he/she would just naturally know what they needed or wanted. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can't take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them.

Confronting the Passive Aggressive:

Beware, if you confront the passive aggressive he/she will most likely sulk, give you the silent treatment or completely walk away leaving you standing there to deal with the problem alone. There are two reasons for confronting the passive aggressive. One, if done correctly you may be able to help him/her gain insight into the negative consequences of their behaviors. Two, even if that doesn't happen, it will at least give you the opportunity to talk to him/her in a frank way about how his/her behavior affects you. If nothing else you can get a few things "off your chest." Below are some ways you might approach your passive aggressive:

• Make your feelings the subject of the conversation and not his/her bad behaviors.
• Don't attack his/her character.
• Make sure you have privacy.
• Confront him/her about one behavior at a time, don't bring up everything at once.
• If he/she needs to retreat from the conversation allow them to do it with dignity.
• Have a time limit, confrontation should not stretch on indefinitely.
• If he/she tries to turn the table on you, do not defend your need to have an adult conversation about your feelings.
• Be sure he/she understands that you care about what happens to them, that you love them and that you are not trying to control them. You are only trying to get to the bottom of your disagreements and make the relationship better.

Inside the Passive Aggressive:

The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect with you emotionally but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and engage in self-destructive habits. He/she will be covert in their actions and it will only move him/her further from his/her desired relationship with you.

The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a relationship problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for having shortcomings. To accept that he/she has flaws would be tantamount to emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make that cause others so much pain.

The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his/her own emotional needs. You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of him/her. They care for you the way they care for a favorite chair. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs.

The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes with loving someone but fears losing his/her independence and sense of self to his/her spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best.

The only hope for change in the way they deal with relationship issues is if they are able to acknowledge their shortcomings and contributions to the marital problems. Facing childhood wounds, looking internally instead of externally to find the cause of problems in their life will help them form deeper emotional attachments with a higher sense of emotional safety.

(source: http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/Pass_Agg.htm

Itchin'

When does it become acceptable for a husband to speak dirty to another woman? Or to gang up with another guy and talk dirty to her to get her all worked up to the point she has to sign off and go for a cold shower. And you know what the worse thing is, being made out like I've got the problem. The excuses I have heard from him when he told me, "oh we were just mucking around and teasing her".

I deleted a previous post because I honestly thought my husband had realised his action hurt me but he just keeps doing it. Does he not get it that it hurts when I find out he's received pics or spoken dirty to some other chick. I'm tired of it and at my wits end trying to get him to understand and when I do try my feelings just seem to cause trouble.

Not much..

I know I'm not much to look at but this is me.. I think I'm to old to be worried about what people think of me and if they can't or won't be accepting of who I am, as I am then they can just go and get bent!

Trust

My husband really disappointed to me tonight. I am trying not to cry about it but how does one go about trusting a person when that trust has been broken by them and I don't mean in a fob the incident off way, I mean in a huge punch in the chest way.

A little background story I guess.. we belong to this adult swingers website. Our account is joint, you know a couples account and well over the pass few months he's done things and said thing that have upset me but I have always gotten over it eventually but tonight and after a big discussion that had followed a huge argument we had about a week ago, we agreed and I mean "we" agreed that neither of us would go on cam unless we go on together as a couple or if we go on singly then both cams would go on or if other other person said go ahead it's okay but in the latter instance the other person had to ask if it was okay and not just assume.

Anyway tonight my husband did just that, the latter. I caught my husband camming his nut-sack around a beer bottle, which if he had of ask if I minded then more than likely I would have said "knock yourself out" but he took it upon himself as always to act before thinking. 

Now forgive me if I'm wrong but if the other partner is unaware that their partner is showing more than just their face on webcam that constitutes as cheating. 

I guess it's like this, my husband who I love with all my heart has just fucking cheated on me by showing his fucking genitals on cam behind my back since I had no knowledge he was going to do it! 

And since my husband and I have already discussed what would constitute cheating when it comes to "the website" then his act is classed as cheating.

How can I trust him again?